I have to Escape
by fanfanatic09
Summary: Lily Evans is trying to deal with and understand a disastrous event that took place in her life. How will she cope with this revelation. She must learn to survive but how? After Lily and James' seventh year at Hogwarts. LJ. OneShot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor will I ever.**

I can't think straight and I push all rational thoughts out of my mind because I can't breakdown here with everyone around me - most of whom will pity me. Only a jumble of illogical and disconnected thoughts and actions swirl around inside my head, none of which will do any good. The one gift I truly possess, magic, is not going to do any good. I know this because I have stubbornly tried to fix this ever since it happened last night. Seven years of learning magic are wasted because there can be no solution to this disaster. I turn and run. I need to get out of this place, it's suffocating me. At first I'm dodging people, a blur of nameless faces none of whom matter right now. Some may even be in a similar position as me, but how can they help, they don't know me and I don't know them.

How is an eighteen year old Hogwarts graduate suppose to handle this. It's just too hard. How can anyone handle this. All I see is worried expressions all around me but I can't handle their sympathy and condolences. I have to escape because I don't want to think about them, it will just remind me of my own broken heart.

I can't care about what they think, it doesn't matter, they don't matter. Nothing matters, not now anyway.

Finally I reach the busy reception and push through the glass onto the pavement of the busy muggle London. No-one here knows my problems; hell, no-one even cares. I am stunned by the beauty of the sky as it sets but the pain is too overwhelming and I feel as if it is drowning me.

I'm running again.

I need a distraction; I have to escape my mind, I search around for something, anything to focus on but everything is a reminder of what I have just lost. I try to focus on my breathing, my fast pumping heart, my aching muscles. I need this to consume my mind completely.

I need to forget. I need to not think.

The darkening sky around me does not discourage me but merely a sign of the passing of time. Every time a flashback from the previous night starts up again in my head, I run faster and concentrate harder on forgetting.

Finally I can run no further, my body can't take one more stride further, so I stop.

I gaze around trying again to concentrate on my surroundings. I'm standing in a narrow road with what appears to be apartment buildings on three of the sides with the forth being the way I have just come from. The paint on the walls is peeling and some windows have been broken. There are dustbins on the left side of the alley. I try not to panic now that I am alone.

But the rational thoughts that I had pushed away before kick back into gear. They are screaming warnings at me. I reach down for my wand but it's not there, this scares me more than anything ever has before in my life. I curse myself for being so foolish; here I am in the middle of muggle London, wand-less. I feel as if some-one had cut off my left arm, my wand arm.

I hear footsteps behind me but I cannot move. My quickened breathe and those loud, heavy footsteps are all I hear. And as I hear the footsteps coming closer and closer I take a deep breath to summon up my last bit of energy and courage, because I know what will happen. I must face this head on and brave, true to the Gryffindor inside of me, slowly I turn around ready to face what is to come.

I release a breath, I didn't realise I had been holding, in relief when I see that it is James, my boyfriend. I dissolve into tears and collapse into his waiting arms. My resolve that was so strong before, crumbles before him and I know he will not pity me because he has had to go through this before. I hold him tightly and finally let my guard down letting all those painful thoughts wash over me because I have James, who will always protect and watch over me.

He is my strength now.

"James" I sigh with tears staining my cheeks, "how am I to move forward; live without my mom and dad?"

"You are so very brave and strong and you and I will go forth from today with the knowledge that we have both loved and been loved in return. This is how we survive."

**AN ****– Please review. Your thoughts (both positive and negative) will be much appreciated.**


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